today i changed a tire in juicy couture

So F you adult life.

Disclaimer: I am well aware I do not look like the girl in this picture, especially not when bending over.  But it's a great photo don't you think?  And it helps to make my point.

well at least it's a longer vacation

Working in Colorado Springs was great. And it was so fun to stay the weekend in Denver to go skiing with my dad and bro. I'll have very few ski days this year (and in the years to come) so I'm going to relish them all. Good thing because it was super windy and below zero all day at Copper Mountain. I bought one of those ugly black face masks. They're awful, I know, but it was so much warmer I will probably continue to wear it even in warmer skiing conditions. You now officially cannot tell if I'm a man or a woman when I'm in my ski gear.

Sunday night I was supposed to fly back to Portland, then head to Utah on Wednesday (Christmas Eve) for about a week. All flights to Portland were cancelled that day because the weather was so atrocious. The next flight Alaska Airlines could get me on was the 25th. Really? Spending Christmas alone in Denver is an acceptable alternative to you? They could get me on a flight to Salt Lake the next day through one of their partners, because of course they don't fly through there themselves. I called my corporate travel number and they pretty totally unwilling to help. Lovely. So I walked over to the Southwest counter and bought a ticket to go straight to Salt Lake that afternoon. I hope every airline in the US goes bankrupt (well, again, and actually shut down this time) and only Southwest remains. Of course, the government will probably bail them out so it's only a pipe dream.

My dad was on the same flight so luckily I had someone to talk to. The plane was delayed from bad weather elsewhere. When we finally got on the plane three hours late, they realized the engine was broken and they had to unload and find us a new plane. Of course the plane is broken. You may be wondering, "Do you have anything to do other than complain about bad weather and crappy traveling?" No. No I don't. Trying to deal with messed up travel plans consumes my entire life right now. I need to do a serious cleanse before leaving Utah on the 30th so I can shake this bad energy.

Now I find myself happily, safely in Utah a few days early. I have two pairs of business casual pants, four business casual tops, one pair of jeans, two cardigans, pink Juicy pants, a Britney t-shirt, and ski clothes. The presents I bought my fam are back in Portland. As well as many items I would've liked to pack. I didn't even do a good job packing for Colorado because I was so rushed for time. This will be a good exercise for me in letting go of things that are not within my control. And focusing on the really important aspects of Christmas (like family time over decent holiday outfits properly accessorized).

wow that's big

So this week I was working in Colorado Springs. Our hotel and the client site was right by the most enormous church I've ever seen. Well, the most enormous modern church. There are many huge cathedrals in Europe obviously. It's called the New Life church. It's kind of shaped like a stadium, which I think makes it look all that much more impressive. A sign over one door says, "South Entrance." Any church that needs the entrances separately labeled is a big church. It holds 15,000 people. Apparently there was a shooting there last year, I'm not really one for keeping up with the news. Colorado Springs has the largest concentration of Evangelical Christians of any city in the country (thank you "Jesus Camp" for that little fact). I would have loved to be there over the weekend and attend a Sunday service. I'm sure it would have been a very different experience than my usual church. Much more noise and excitement on the stage and all.

the worst day ever

Sorry this post is going to be long and have no photos. But it will be therapeutic for me to write. So it's Sunday morning and I've woken up early to go to the 9am church at my building because I'm going to miss my ward flying to Colorado Springs for work that afternoon. I look outside to confirm the reports of snow turned out to be true. There's like 2 inches of snow on the ground and I think no problem I can get to church. Forgetting that I'm no longer in Utah and even the slightest bit of snow in Portland shuts down the entire city. Anyways, I get out of bed and get ready to go even though I'm tired from my office holiday party the night before. As I'm driving up the winding hill out of my apartment complex I slip a little but overall my car is doing pretty good. I'm almost to the stoplight to turn on the main road and my car simply can't make it up the last part of the hill.



I start to turn around and go back down and in the process my car begins to slide sideways. I slam my foot on the brake, throw it in neutral, and pull up the parking brake. Nothing. I'm sliding towards another car and completely panicking. Finally my car stops sliding before hitting the other car and I get out to assess the situation. Then two cars above mine on the hill slide into each other and continue sliding towards my car. I stand there watching in shock as the car slides into mine and suddenly people are shouting at me to get out of the way. You know because I'm standing downhill from my car that is sliding towards me trying to kill me. I turn to run out of the way and slip and fall because it's so icy. So I scramble on my hands and knees in my church dress to get out of the way of the car. Has your car ever tried to kill you? In the end there were 5 cars involved in the fender bender and no one was hurt. It took about an hour to get some snow melt on the ground and one by one remove the cars from the tangle. There was no one available to come help us because there were accidents all over the place. I parked my crunched car illegally next to the curb-- I didn't dare try to drive all the way back down. I exchanged information with the others involved in the accident and walked back to my apartment. Freezing to death by then in my little flats and a dress.



I decide to get online and see how delayed my flight is. Not delayed at all, which I think can't be right. I call my senior to see if he's heard anything about his flight and he told me that apparently the east side hasn't gotten as much snow as the west side and flights are indeed leaving. The highways to the airport are all a mess but the max train is still running so we can take public transportation to the airport. I tell him I can't drive my car anywhere (clearly) and my roommate's friend has been trying to get a taxi here all morning to no avail. So Jon (my senior) who has put chains on his car offers to drive me to the max station, which is so nice of him. I tell him I'll meet him at the top of my apartment complex in about 20 minutes so I can still make my flight. Then I begin packing like a mad woman. I get a bunch of stuff in my suitcase for a week of work and a weekend of skiing with the fam, bundle up, and begin the trek with my two suitcases. Still in disbelief that everything around me is falling apart yet somehow I must still find a way to audit. My roommate Casey has since gotten chains on her car and drives me to the top of the complex. I get out and call Jon and he ways he's on his way but they aren't letting people drive up the hill to my apartment complex. So I begin hiking down Barnes with my suitcases to meet up with Jon.



He drops me off and I head down the stairs to wait for the train. While waiting for the train I get interviewed by a news crew. I hope they put me on TV and people see me with mascara running down my face from the melted snow. After an hour ride on public transportation I get to the airport in time to make my flight. Oh, and I started my period on the train, of course. I grab some midol and some sushi for lunch and hop on my flight to Denver. Once I get to Denver I have to check in for my flight to Colorado Springs because I'm switching airlines. I make my way down to the terminal where all the small commuter planes land and it's getting colder and colder. Half of the hallway is blocked off because something has been leaking from the ceiling and the carpet is all wet. they have fans blowing and all the doors are open. Mind you the current temperature in Denver is minus ten. Have you ever breathed in air that cold? It hurts your lungs.



I wait for my flight back in the main terminal where it's warm, but practically freeze to death again while walking out to the plane. I waited for my senior for about an hour in Colorado Springs then we head to our rental car (where the temperature is still below zero). By this time I am starving to death so we decide to drive through somewhere for food on the way to the hotel. Honestly there is not much going on in Colorado Springs. We see a McDonald's after we've passed the exit and just hope there's something near our hotel. There isn't. I was too tired to want to drive back to the McDonald's. We found some fruit left over from the breakfast buffet so I eat an orange and a banana and fell into bed.



I was so excited to wake up to a new day and leave my Sunday behind me. This morning, I start getting ready for work, and, wait for it. Wait for it. There's no hot water in my room! I take a cold sponge bath in the sink because I don't have time to try to switch rooms. You know how gross you feel after being on an airplane and to not have a real shower is just awful. And I haven't washed my hair since Thursday. You guys I am so dirty it's unbelievable. I let the front desk know and apparently there was a bunch of snow blocking the hot water heater and the problem was getting fixed. Good maybe I can shower tomorrow.

my reign as break the fast co-chair

Today was my first attempt at feeding the 80-100 people that come to our Break the Fast each month.  I have been pee-my-pants excited about this calling.  It's like hosting a large-scale dinner party.  Tonight we did stroganoff, per request of a member of the bishopric.  You can find the recipe here.  I have added the recipe to the cute recipe organizer RZ got me.  My co-chair Nick and I went to Cash N' Carry on Saturday for the shopping and I fell in love with the store.  It's wholesale food and pretty much is just Costco with larger proportions.  Amazing.  Nick is going to be a great help for me because he's so low-key and I can get a little hyper about entertaining.  I shared with him my vision of three stroganoff pots: traditional with beef and mushrooms, one without mushrooms for those who don't like them, and one with textured vegetable protein instead of beef for the vegetarians (Oregon represent).  And he was pretty much like we're not doing that.  And we didn't.  And it turned out fine and we came within our budget of $100.

There was a bit of prep work for me to do at home.  It took me 2 1/2 hours to slice all of the beef.  Ground beef was suggested but I simply could not let go of all my hopes and dreams and I am unwilling to serve people stroganoff made with ground beef.
I know this photo is graphic, but I feel like everyone needs to experience 20 pounds of chuck roast.  This all started as one piece and it was huge!  And on sale for $1.87 a pound.  Nice.
Then there were the onions to be chopped before church.  This doesn't show them all-- there were fifteen in total.  My hands, kitchen, and car all still smell like raw onions.  Yummy.  Not.
Because it's not summer and thus not key onion season, the onions were very pungent.  I had just barely started slicing the tops off and my eyes were watering and stinging like crazy and I knew couldn't stand it for the whole time (it ended up being about 1 1/2 hours to chop the onions).  Ski goggles to the rescue.  It must have been quite a show when my roommate Casey came upstairs on her way out and saw me chopping fifteen onions in pajamas and ski goggles.  You're so jealous.
And last of all, here I am stirring stroganoff in the church kitchen.  Thank you Whit for the apron and Kirst for finding the red corduroy skirt.  This pot was unbelievably huge.  I started with just one pot, but as I stupidly thought RS would be enough time and didn't skip SS (afterall Megan was teaching) we had to divide some of the mixture into several pots to cook faster.  We barely got it done in time and I was getting pretty stressed out (big surprise) but everyone on my committee was super nice and trying to calm me down.  I thought the stroganoff tasted pretty good in the end, but it was too runny.  I don't know if I needed more flour and water paste, or if I just didn't give it enough prep time due to the time crunch.  And everyone who bright salad, bread, or dessert did a fabulous job.  All in all it was a pretty good first experience.  Next month I'm thinking stir-fry.  Feel free to make any suggestions for a great menu to feed the masses.  Also, if anyone would like some stroganoff just talk to me.  We have enough left to feed a small army.

road trippin'

Here are some photos from a recent work-enforced road trip.  I had to do an IO at a lumber yard in North Bend.  North Bend is on the coast, about 2/3 of the way down to CA.  The IO was estimated to take about an hour; the drive would take about four hours each way.  Really?  I was not thrilled with assignment when I first got it, especially because they would not put a hotel in the budget and expected me to make the entire drive in one day.  But the weather was perfect and it turned out to be a beautiful drive, especially after leaving I-5 South and heading West along Highway 38.  The IO went smoothly and I learned a lot of new information during my first trip to a lumber yard.  I had some lovely views of the coast, and stopped for lunch in this darling town called Winchester Bay.  I had fresh Dungeness crab for lunch at Crabby Cafe.  There was also this awesome elk reserve but my photos don't show the elk very well so I didn't post them.  You're driving along the road and there's this sign that says "Elk viewing 1/2 mile," and you think, what, they're just sitting there on the side of the road?  But they are.   It's this elk reserve where no one can hunt them and this herd has been hanging out in this big field for more than 100 years.  Very cool.  The best part of the trip was that I spent the night in Eugene visiting my friend Shannon and her daughter Paige.  I of course forgot to take a photo while there, but it was great to see them.  And I didn't roll into the office until about 9:15am the next morning and no one cared at all.  Lovely.

let's just make a scene

So tonight was the KNOW (KPMG Network of Women) annual holiday wine tasting party.  I stopped by for awhile to mingle, but honestly, didn't care to stay and learn about wine for two or more hours.  The partner who hosted the event lives out in Lake Oswego next to a nature park.  I had followed a coworker there and, as parking was crowded, we drove all the way to the end of the street to find a spot.  Well, to the end of what we thought was a street.  Apparently we didn't notice that the street had ended and we drove into the nature park.  On the way out, (it was very, very dark) we just continued down the "street" hoping it would meet up with the main road in a bit.  A good half a mile later, my coworker calls me and is like, "Did you notice that we're on a walking path and not on a road?  I had to stop because there are some trees in the path and my car can't get through."  Umm, what?  Seriously?  I look around and confirm that we are indeed in the middle of a forest, on a walking path not much wider than our cars, and are nowhere near the road.  So I begin backing up with my amazing driving skills (those who have seen me try to parallel park know how awesome this must have been) until I get to a spot where I can do a forty-point turn Austin Powers style and turn my car around to drive forward.  My dear coworker was worried her car didn't have the clearance of my Civic and couldn't handle going off the path to turn around.  I drove slowly to wait for her while she backed out the entire way.  It took a good 25 minutes.  You guys, this is my real life.  Stuff like this happens all the time.  Does everyone make a scene everywhere they go without even trying, or is it just me (and Lindsay)?  I mean, how do you find yourself half a mile (at least) into a dark forest on a walking path in your car that is not meant for off-roading?  The two bikers who passed looked way annoyed so I rolled my window down to apologize and mention we had gotten kind of lost.  The one guy made some jack-ass comment.  Really?  Clearly I'm special ed and I don't know how he could have no sympathy for my situation.  This may top my most embarrassing moments ever, over and above the sleeping pills in the Tokyo airport even.  I'm going to bed.